peace starts with you
Quartz from the mountain
Rolled rock for miles of ancient terrace
Hollowed, smooth, strong, incredibly white
Living energy covering me like a favorite blanket
Offering full emergence
Surrender complete
Safe in the celestial space
Letting go into emptiness
Seclusiveness dissolving into everything
I do not want to leave
Keep playing
(dedicated to Darren Austin Hall)
You are my property
I own you
I can afflict any type of pain on you because it benefits my people
Sorry.
You are my property
I am white
You are black
Sorry.
You are my property
I am male
You are female
Sorry.
You are my property
My rights are higher than yours
You cannot possibly have any feelings
Sorry.
I feel pain
just like you
I have a central nervous system
Just like you
I desire completion in life
just like you
I have children
just like you
I want to be alive
Just like you
I am not human
I am an animal
Just like you
Speciesism is the belief that being human is a good enough reason for humans to have greater moral rights than animals. It is the same sort of bigotry as racism or sexism. Why do we think our gain justifies another’s suffering? Why do we think that we are entitled, more than another? At one point in our privileged history, slavery, rape, and child labour were considered acceptable supported by similar beliefs that we use today to justify the use of animals. As Gandhi put it, a true measure of society will be judged by how we treat our most vulnerable.
We love our pets and would almost anything for them. Many people would say that they are a member of the family. Who has not witnessed a dog being joyful, playful, loving or content. Why do we assume that other animals don’t experience these emotions? Our pets are given as a higher status. This is the grand delusion.
Consider that fact that violence is fed by a collective energetic force coming from a collective many. Everything in our world, as explained by Einstein, has been created by energy. We are really energy beings. Like breeds like, and any form of violence is breeding more violence on our planet. So we are all contributing to the reality as we see it, through our own personal beliefs, thoughts, and actions. If all forms of violence were considered morally unacceptable, the world could be different. If we continue to condone other forms of violence in our society, we cannot change the path of violence.
No wonder the world is Effed! Speciesism is one of the last oppressions.The old paradigm of separateness has shaped our world and these outdated beliefs never came from Jesus, Allah, Vishnu, or Charles Darwin. We construed their great wisdom in our fear. The manure pile of oppression is the same as its ever been just a different shovel . It is Time to birth the new paradigm of oneness. If you are brave enough.
Big, burly men with beards everywhere.
Free beer, free food, lumberjack shirts and jeans
On alters of wild abandon
caution forgotten
vulnerability applauded
Full-size hearts worn by husky men
easy to love
Craving shelter in strong arms
alluringly plump
Pounding pulse
Beckons to absorb all into one
With rapture consecrated on the dance floor
Resurrected sparkling
Juiciness restored
Big, burly men with beards
Among hidden whispers
to leave, i burn
in a dark womb
to birth, i burn
Transforming the ineffable
taking flight off hallowed ground
smoke burning my throat
A full moon watchful with
prodigious honour bestowed
Change is fertile ground ready
when conditions are right
black mustard seeds grow
connection is inevitable
community evermore
May I plant seeds today
In everything I think and do and say.
Planting seeds of love, security and peace into everyone I meet.
May I sow these seeds of abundance, so that I may receive
With the knowledge that the more I have
the more I can give to others.
And all can be free from suffering.
May I love till I break
And if I am unskillful in any way may I be reminded of seeds.
Trusting completely in the journey, loving fearlessly
Remembering
Christmas eve is my favourite day of the year. I love the lights, mystery and the magic. Everyone seems willing to share their hearts and connections are made with strangers through warm smiles and twinkling eyes. This year was different. For the past several days we were in the midst of an unrelenting ice storm. My ex-husband’s power was out from the severe ice that entombed wires and trees around his farm with a heavy, icy sheath. Trees smashed through several power lines. It would be days before he had power to use the toilet, bathe or cook. For two days, he had been baking at my house. He had a lot of baking to do. My house soon became ensconced in a pot-pourri of spices from shortbread, fruit cake, date squares and ganosh.
I marvelled at his ability to prepare such lovely items. He had boxes, wax paper and home made Marzipan stacked on my dining table. I wondered how on earth I was still spending my favourite holiday with my ex. Where was a new love to be making new traditions with? Why was I feeling so disappointed, when for the past month my Christmas spirit was more alive than I had felt in years. This was the first Christmas of no more heartache. A lot of the Christmases from before were laden heavily with loneliness and sadness buried under a counterfeit smile. This was the first year since my divorce and dad dying last December, that I felt free. But old stories are easily triggered if we are not watchful and I was knee deep in my abandonment story crap.
Even though I was “friends” again with my ex-husband, his attitude towards me was still peppered in irritation and impatience. I questioned myself, why was I still seeing this in my life? When had I been impatient and annoyed with others? I thought of how impatient I can be with my sister. Time to own up to the fact that this very difficult behaviour coming from my ex-husband was also coming from me at some point in time. Insightful reflections for a future I could create was helpful. Better to not react. There was little I could do to alter the situation and at least someone in the family was baking and preserving history.
It was also our son’s birthday which also makes Christmas eve so special to me. After a long day of baking, we were all having dinner together and going to church in the evening. Going to church with my children has been a coveted tradition that I was hesitant to share with my ex-husband but I was trying. We entered into the church and they were already in prayer. Heads bowed I found that the pew we normally sit in was still mostly empty. There was a young man with head bowed sitting at the isle seat with his coat placed on the right of him as if saving spaces for someone. I waited for the prayer to end and asked if he could get by. The man got up and slid over 4 seats. As we sat down, I realized that I was sitting beside my ex-husband instead of my son. “Oh dear Lord”,I thought, “can I get up and switch seats”? Sitting beside my son was always very special to me. I needed to feel that connection, it that kept me grounded in all that is right with the world. My kids have always been an uncomplicated relationship in my life. There are no hurts, or buried wounds. I decided that I’d stay put. Maybe it was a nice gesture to involve my ex in this tradition and that this was a gift I could give him. I let go of my need to create a perfect family Christmas. It seems that this was never going to happen anyway. I surrendered to the letting go of the need for a “postcard family”, as we broke into the singing of Christmas hymns.
Singing in church has been a lifelong enjoyment for me. As a child I loved singing in church. I grew up in the 70’s with a full rock band who lead the service each Sunday.As I sat there singing I could faintly hear the man next to me sing. He sang every word and every song, softly but clearly. I melted into his calming voice and squished myself closure to him. On my left was my, slightly feral, fiery, non singing, ex-husband. To my right was this lovely, clean cut, man singing softly. My heart had been pierced and tears streamed down my cheeks. This man singing next to me reminded me of my father. I remembered my dads soft barely audible singing voice in church. It wasn’t loud but had a quiet dignity. All of the sudden I felt like my father was there, sitting beside me in the pew singing. I tried hard to sing with him but my voiced wavered with the memory and tears silenced external output. I felt so safe here in this place and wished I could have sat with this young man for much longer. The outside world had come to a halt. Nothing mattered except my connection with this man. I felt like I was enveloped in a vortex. My dad was there.
After church I turned to the man and thanked him for singing and told him that it reminded me of my father. He smiled and replied, “I love Christmas eve mass and singing”. He was alone. His name was Greg. I may have met my guardian angel that night. A Christmas miracle had arrived for me.
Siddartha Gautama, the founder of Buddhism, secluded himself in an ascetic life, having renounced the world at age 29, leaving a kingdom, wife and a son. Through this intense period of study and meditation he awakened enlightenment to become The Buddha.
If we all could become enlightened and everyone was a Buddha, life as we know it would be very different. The human experience would end, there would be no purpose. But could enlightenment continue without the knowledge of the other? Maybe this earthly realm is a place, for remembering.
Many gifts come out of our struggles. I am not the same person I was before my divorce and would not trade that experience now. I have developed strengths that I never would have, if I had remained in my marriage. My only regret would be to my kids who struggled along with me. We do everything to protect our children from pain but maybe the lessons learned were there for everyone. They are incredible young adults, and maybe the gift was the struggle and not all the trimmings.
Suffering is the longing for things to be different. Desiring to be free from pain when you are so easily pulled here and there by the worldly cravings like an addict needing that fix. With age and study, my longings are fewer than they were, accomplishment seems much less important and my lows don’t seem to be as low. Longing has become less because I am not wanting to escape as much and rather more willing to know my pain. I am more a curious observer of myself and my shadow side. Able to take responsibility for any unhappiness with the understanding that I am creating my reality.
Did Siddartha Gautama came into this world to be reminded? In His pursuit of a complete understanding of suffering and the liberation of suffering, he awakened His Buddhahood. When struggles visits, we can smile knowing there will be gifts to be found in the muck and mire of life if you choose to find them. And may we all be free from suffering.
I was fortunate enough to attend a week long retreat this past August at Brock University, with Thich Nhat Hanh (Thay), the 86 year old, revered, Vietnamese, Buddhist, Monk who is key in bringing eastern meditation practices to the western world. He is a physically petite man. When he spoke, we had to vigilantly pay attention, as his voice is very soft and unassertive. He sat down on the stage, cross legged in a long brown robe, shaved head, and crooked smile. I was drawn to his very humble, gentle nature which emanated an innocence, that you would associate with a child. Ego disappeared in an ocean of softness. The monastics that served with Thay started the retreat with a slow twenty minute rendition of the Avalokitesvera mantra of compassion. As I sat there, meditating on my breath, the beautiful sounds seemed to hold me in their arms. Tears streamed down my face. I felt a voice acknowledge the several losses that I had felt over the past eight months. Some of the veneer I was wearing was able to crack in the voices of compassion all around me.
The main message of the retreat was the practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness is a focused attention practice that brings you out of the trappings of the mind chatter and into your body where you can let go of mental afflictions by cultivating an observer mind. Thay described mindfulness as living below the eyes. Living in the pause and holding what arises in you like a mother cradles her baby. We were instructed to cultivate curious awareness to emotions and to breathe into them and say for example, hello anger, my friend, come in, you are welcome here, I will hold you. Instead of running from ourselves, we begin to practice allowing.
This retreat opened me to the practice of ongoing mindfulness in everything that you do. All day long, we ate mindfully, silently, walked mindfully, and used the toilet mindfully. I felt the same settling down and grounding that I felt in meditation. I liked the way the breath was described by Thay. He described the breath as our connection to an island that we have inside of ourselves. I breath in, I breathe out. Arrived, arrived. I am at home dwelling in the here, dwelling in the now, Solid as a mountain, Free as a white cloud. The words deepened inside of me and with each breath I felt this solid part inside of myself growing. In a sea of suffering the breath can allow you to build an island. It liked that metaphor.
Thay told us to imagine how a tree is grounded by its roots and trunk. This is how a tree weathers storms. If you are centered only in the trees branches, thoughts and strong emotions can snap the tree. The breath welcomes all that is arising in you without shame or fear. What is there to fear from a thought or emotion? They come and go like a breeze. We don’t need to get lost in a whirlwind. We can pay attention to what arrives, breathe, pause and reflect. We are solid as a mountain. Free as a white cloud. August 2013.
Life is so short. It seems that nothing you do really matters because once you die it becomes history and part of the past. It is soon forgotten and relegated to a chapter in a history book.
Everyone is walking carrying death on their backs. It is our constant companion. We are all one step away from leaving this earthly realm. So what do you do with this awareness? Life that seemed so solid, now seems so fragile and unreal to me. What seems real is our death. This is our journey. This life is but a role in a play. What we do with our time matters little. What we accumulate, while it might make us more comfortable, soon has little value when you are dying.
So with this knowledge of impending death, do we do what we want to do? Or do we live in some illusion of fear? Fear that will not keep us from our own death. We worry about the most trivial things as if we are to live forever. We put up with the most ridiculous living situations. We love the wrong people. We work in jobs that torment us because we are afraid of losing our foothold in a world that is only a fleeting moment.
We hold on to a future that may never happen and ignore the present, which is all we really have at the moment. What we leave behind becomes only a memory. A memory to a world that is constantly evolving and needs no clinging to a past. What you do leave is rather a feeling of yourself inside the people who knew you. If you lead a wise life, you will have left love and guidance to those who will recollect your wise words and support during difficult times. Your physical DNA will carry on, in others who may look like you or have the same mannerisms. All of what you did in a material sense will hold little value. It will not matter that you were a plumber, or a lawyer or an animal rights activist. All that will be remembered will be the comfort or pain that you brought to others.
Some days I get a deep knowing that everyone will die. I look at people on the street and think what is the point of these existences? What does any of this matter? It is all so pointless. Its an endless cycle of birth, life and death with no one life any better than any other. The addicted homeless person and the wealthy upstanding citizen share the same fate. This thought doesn’t scare me or make me an existentialist. But rather, it makes me realize how close these two worlds are and that maybe life as we know it, may not be reality. Maybe this life, this material world, is a farce, a part in a play and that reality is really another realm. A realm that may exist closer than we realize.
The week my dad died I felt this chasm or an opening between the two worlds. It was like I could almost see this opening if I looked out my periphery field of vision. Everything seemed unreal and death seemed so present in all of life. Life was so fragile and suffering and love were the same feeling. My heart had been cracked open and I could feel so much love around me. My dad was dead but he appeared so close to me that I wondered was death all that bad? I felt that he was right here with me and my family.
One night shortly after the funeral, while walking on the street, a homeless youth approached me looking for the youth shelter. My world and his world seemed to collide into one existence and I cried. His abandonment was my suffering. It was like my physical reality was loosing its form. The corners were not as sharp and things did not seem as solid. All I felt was so much sadness for all the abandoned people who live on the streets. For the first time I looked at my life differently. My life was no more valuable than anyone else’s. I saw that it doesn’t matter what you do in this life.
If you want to be an Alpaca farmer do it. If you want to be an engineer or a singer just do it. Soon you will be dead and all that will really matter was how you died. Did you die a right death? We will all experience death and the dying care little about what they accomplished in the world. Love or fear will be the only thing left in one’s consciousness as we pass from one world to the other. The more love you have the less fear you have. That’s it. December 2012
the burden of IWho are you?
Some will say I am my body, my thoughts, my possessions, my accomplishments or my ethnicity.Tending to describe our selves by some externalicities. We cling to these secretly, hoping we can say- I’m a somebody but all the while it is our separateness that gives us this choking breathlessness.
but what if, this isn’t -who we are at all?
What if…. who we are is in fact very, very small?
Our bodies, possessions, family and friends are temporary. If the self is an illusion, Then- who are we?
Maybe we are one entity?
If we can detach from our external human reality and consider the possibility that we are not our body, mind or possessions and that we are something more, akin to a stillness of an energetic roar that connects us to all living beings. We are one life force experiencing itself over and over again. The I becomes We and nothing and no one is ever lost. It’s a beautiful thought – Every being part of this unity. Every person, animal, plant, geological element and tree.
Buddhists meditate, “May all beings be safe, May all beings be happy, May all beings be healthy, May all beings have ease of well being”, this extends to all beings of the earth, beings of the air or beings of the waters… May you be safe, May you be happy, may you be healthy, May you have ease of well being, is a prayer for all the world’s sons and daughters.
You are not your body, your possessions or your thoughts. You are something already perfect that is not distraught but rather an energy so sweet that nothing can harm it or make it complete. With this reality we can walk lighter not needing to be defined by external accessories. You can express yourself through these things but know that they are not you, they are only transitory. We are everything and nothing at the same time. We are connected to each other, whether we like it or not. The good, the bad and the beautiful are all in one pot.
The physical body will die but is it ever lost? No, It becomes the soil, the tree, and eventually the air that our children will breathe, upon a pane of frost. The body drops away but the self is never gone, when it takes flight, the energetic principles transforms in different light and we may become the stars, the wind, the rain or the trees, Whatever are soul desires it can be.
I am a part of you and you are a part of me… See.. The good, the bad and the in between share a common life force that can’t be seen by the naked eye and when I look at things from this point of view I got, I have compassion for those and the things that ..I am not. I see myself in the golden oak tree, the frightened cow and the unkempt woman on the street… Everyone is free ’cause nothing is ever lost, for I am you and you are me. February 2012
Running along the river
I am all alone
It is green and lush and wet
The flocks surround me like a tomb
This is my heaven
The Sweet Fantastic
I am cradled in the trees
Protected in their power
Bubbling water heals my wounds
Keep running, running.. running through the trees
Open your eyes, It’s all there
I am safe
I am happy
I am loved
Beauty everywhere
I am strong
Cradled in God’s palm
My body loves it
Loves to feel strong
Keep running, running.. running through the trees
Energy reaches out to me
My heart feels good and strong
It is happy when I run
Thank you beautiful body
Thank you lovely trees
Thank you loving water
For giving this to me. 2004
dreamI dreamt about you last night, again. it was nice this time and made me think about you while driving to work. Keeping the radio low so I could remember the dream over and over again.. I felt the intimate nuzzle as you asked me to tell me that I loved you or it would not be happening. I felt the body melting to your demand and how I wanted to say yes. How you were in control and I was under your spell again. Like the many years, when all you had to do was take possession of me and I was yours. When you wanted me you were like a man in heat. Driven with a mission that took no prisoners until you got what you wanted whether I felt like it or not. But I usually did even when you were horrible I was twisted with lust. The dream left me wanting you, wanting you.. would you call me to talk.. Did you still want me? I thought about the future and did not want to dwell in the past. There is nothing that a red Adidas jacket couldn’t fix, maybe some new jeans, and a cool pair a hipster glasses. This might make me want to say yes. What would it take for me to say yes to you? You were so good in bed and I was so untouched. 2012 sept.
Breathing correctly from the belly can promote calmness. Being mindful of you breathing throughout your day can make you more aware of when you are shallow breathing and/or hyperventilating. Hyperventilation causes the carbon dioxide level in the blood to decrease. This lower level of carbon dioxide reduces blood flow to the brain, which may result in the following nervous system and emotional symptoms: weakness, dizziness, confusion, agitation, a feeling of being outside yourself or feeling as if you can’t breathe.
Learning to meditate can provide a buffer to the flight or fight response. Research shows that the area of the brain that feels the greatest effects of meditation is one that’s associated with happiness and positive feelings. Measurements showed that meditation increased activity in the left frontal region of the brain, an area linked to reduced anxiety and a positive emotional state. This has been supported with several studies and centuries of tradition that meditation helps us relax, release pent up stress which carries throughout your day. I can definitely attest to the benefits of long term meditation practice. It changed my life! To learn mediation begin with the Body Scan technique as a precursor to mindful mediation. It’s a good first step into meditation.
Body Scan Technique
1. Pick a good time when you will not be disturbed 2. Find a quiet spot 3. Sit on a supportive chair or couch. 4. Sit up straight. Legs uncrossed. Feet grounded on the floor. 5. Don’t expect anything, don’t make any effort, have an attitude of childlike innocence. Don’t judge any thoughts that pop in just get back to the technique if your mind wanders. 6. Now close your eyes and gently hold your attention on your body. Have an overall sense of your body sitting in the chair. Notice where you come into contact with surroundings. Your buttocks and thighs against the seat of the chair. The soles of your feet against the floor. 7. Next we’re going to work our way through the body from the top of the head to the tip of the toes. Read the instructions below then try it yourself.Start with the crown of your heads. Notice how it feels. Is it hot or cold? Comfortable or uncomfortable? Notice any tingling. Stay with these feelings for a few seconds then picture yourself under a nice warm shower that is hitting the place on your focus and gently relax to the warmth of the visualization. Let go of tension.
Then allow your attention to move to the back of your head. Then the sides , then your face. Notice how each area feels as you bring your attention to it and relax each area using the warm shower image if preferred.
Remember take your time and move through each area slowly.
Continue like this through your whole body. Spend about 15 seconds in each area. Move through the chest and arms, tummy, back, buttocks, legs, and feet. 2012
“One evening an old Cherokee told her grandchild about a fight that goes on inside people. She said, My child the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all. One is Bad: It is hatred, self- loathing, guilt, self- pity, lies, fear, greed, arrogance, resentment, inferiority, superiority and ego. The other is Good: It is joy, peace, self-love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth and compassion. The grandchild thought about this awhile and then asked his grandmother, “Which wolf wins?” The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed” .”
This powerful Cherokee tale speaks volumes about how we interpret life, our experiences and the potential to make change. Looking at our thoughts we can become aware of our own internal coach. Is he/she supportive or critical? Thoughts can be so automatic that we may not realize the connection in how we are feeling to a previous thought; negativity can become a habit that leads to chronic tension and anxiety.
Next time your body produces anxiety symptoms: nervous stomach, physical tension, racing heart, take a moment to notice what is arising and consider what your current thoughts were. Most likely they were worry thoughts. These worry thoughts are probably distorted in some way. There are at least ten common cognitive distortions that people use which contribute to anxiety. A common one is called “catastrophizing”. This is when one imagines and then expects the worst to happen.
Learning what distortions you are feeding yourself, challenging them and substituting a new balanced thought requires practice but can be readily learned.Keeping a log of your worry thoughts is the beginning in gaining a sense of control over worries. Write them down on paper gives you more power as you begin to de-construct anxious thinking.
(blog-tranquilsolutions)
When I tell people I specialize in anxiety, the response is usually the same: “Oh I’d like to come and see you.” This response lets me know how pervasive worry and anxiety symptoms are in society. We live in a time where anxiety is the mainstay. We worry about our children, our finances, our health, the environment and nuclear devastation. In fact we even worry about worry!
Anxiety is something that every human being experiences. It is necessary for our survival. Worry causes our body to initiate the fight or flight response which increases adrenaline production in our body as it prepares us for battle or action. This is the body’s built in system for responding to a danger or threat. Therefore, worry can be useful when it pushes us to solve a problem and prompts us to take productive action. It becomes non- productive when it is not fuelling any clear course of action and we become “stuck” in the worry. This useful system, having gone amuck from chronic worrying will generate a host of bodily symptoms such as muscle tension, difficulty concentrating, light- headedness, nausea and stomach upset.
Worry is something that visits you but it is not who you are. It is a part of you but it doesn’t have to define who you are. This is a good first step: to externalize your worry. See yourself as separate from worry and stop defining yourself as anxious or worrier. You are a person who experiences anxiety. Another key first step is to stop resisting the anxious feelings. What you resist will persist with anxiety. Don’t “fight” the sensations. It actually gives anxiety more power and will make you feel worse. A good mantra is “flow and accept”. You might consider the fact that anxiety is a wake up call to make positive changes in your life. It is your bodies way of telling you that something needs to change and a journey begins!
(blog-tranquilsolutions)
love and acceptance will be taught“Let us be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle” was a Christmas message from Reverend John Watson to readers of the British Weekly in 1898. This quote helps to remind me, that others may have personal challenges that they are dealing with and to choose kindness in our interactions. Life is hard no matter how you slice it. Every person has experienced suffering and hardship but for some, emotional pain is too long and too much to bear.
Recently in the news, a fifteen year old Ottawa teen committed suicide because he could not take the ongoing emotional pain resulting from years of being bullied. As he grew up he was bullied for being different and then later for his sexual orientation. He suffered from depression. Studies have linked bullying to a mental health problems such as depression and relentless bullying most likely caused his depression and was the tipping point for his decision to kill himself. Hearing this story brought tears to my eyes. That boy could have been my son. I wondered how a parent could continue on after this devastating loss.
Then I felt angry. Angry at the homophobic attitudes that still prevail in society. What are people so afraid of? Some parents are so homophobic that they are fighting to keep anti-homophobia out of school bullying policies. They are terrified that same sex parented families could be taught as “normal” in school. If the definition of family taught in schools does not include same sex parents then this is going to cause some children emotional pain. This is not right. Gay people fall in love and just like non- gay people want to raise a family. It happens and it is not going to go away. Are some people so afraid that if children are taught about same sex families they might choose homosexuality? Do they not know that sexual identity is given not chosen?
A child who dies because of homophobia is everyone’s responsibility. Shame on the parents who want to oppose LGBTTQ policy in the schools. Are they too rigid to consider that their own child may need that protection one day? How can they not see that their prejudice behaviour contributes to a more fearful society? Teachers need training about how to talk about homosexuality and homophobia. School boards need to come extremely clear on their policies and provide the tools for their teachers. Parents who don’t like this can send their children to private school. The values of love and acceptance will be taught not intolerance and fear.
Homosexuality may be a grey area for many but we can’t be silent any more. We as a society need to look at why homophobia makes us uncomfortable, talk more about what we fear and speak out because any beautiful child who feels that they need to end their brilliant life of possibilities because they are born different is everyone’s loss. It’s time, we as a society stopped burying our heads in the sand and took responsibility for others suffering. Let us show more kindness and compassion for others. This will build a better world.
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