I just got that feeling again tonight in meditation class. It was so quiet as we were meditating. I was so still and focused on my breath. Then all i could think about was my mom as she was dying… Remembering how She was so still. That her last breaths were so quiet and how amazing that all is… how the body just does it. There was no stopping the process… it was something very unusual to watch. She entered into something that rendered her gone to me days before she took her final breath.
As I am sitting so very still in the group, the feeling of everything being unfamiliar comes up again. Reality seems to bend, And I find myself in that place of disconnection from the mindset of “x+y=z”, which I know is part of grief. It’s a place were nothing makes sense. Where all our silly fears about this and that and who said what and when has no substance. The meditation teacher starts proselyting again and I question everything he says. He is so devoted to his practice.
I don’t see why we need to do any of this. Either way the choice to follow a lineage is neither good nor bad. It doesn’t matter in the long run. He thinks it does. His voice cracking with emotion, He says he likes to envision a world were he can serve as many people as possible. I wonder, why is his wish to help as many people as he can? There is nothing to help and No one soul that needs to be saved. We are already saved. And maybe souls don’t want to be saved??
The teacher always seems so sure of it all, which makes me think how stupid of him. How can he be sure of anything? Then the chanting…again my mind goes to cultural appropriation. But I think that this particular political correctness is missing the boat. There is a huge turning tide of unification and a planetary people evolving. Holding unto our differences and excluding others is also stupid to me…So I really don’t care if we chant Hindi but some moments it feels comical to see all a room full of white people appropriating a clearly different background. I don’t need to follow the practice too seriously or any need to be enlightened. I don’t think we need to do anything in this lifetime to reap any rewards. We are already the”chosen ones”. No other species creates study for themselves. They live in instinct connected to the light… That’s my guess anyway.
I do enjoy the feeling of calm and connection I get from meditating in a group and so that’s enough for me.People do choose to be “good” and do tend to follow many paths of varying Spiritual fulfillment. I guess it’s natural that we would create what we already know.Spirit beings having a human experience.
But what if that is also untrue? I have nothing to hold onto at this point in this discussion. I need to stop the thoughts as they will lead into -Who the hell are we? Or What are we? The teacher says he is going away for sometime to an Ashram. That provides some relief- a change in teachers is fantastic but maybe not. Some souls need to be physically free in their chosen lifetimes. So I guess that’s his deal. Everything is an option. There are many lifetimes to explore.
onelovemedia 