I’m dubbing this summer as ‘the summer that never was”.  It is not a typical summer for me where I pride myself with all my wonderful summer plans and how much I can get up north. This summer is unique in that I am not interested in the hustle and bustle of summer plans or even care to go away.

We were told in May that my father was palliative and that his life was now about comfort and not about getting better any more. Even though I am an adult and my father has been sick for awhile, the news was still a shock and propelled me into another level of awareness. My focus shifted from the external to the internal and nothing seemed that important to me. All the fluff and stuff that we endlessly fill our days with seemed so trivial and I took pleasure in the simplest activities, like pulling weeds from my vegetable garden, savoring my peppermint tea while watching old episodes of man tracker and just craving the quiet and solitude of my home.

Death brings about periods of experiencing grace. After struggling comes acceptance and time seems to stand still. I can’t believe that it is August, it doesn’t feel like summer even started. After spending a day with my dad, while driving home, I am hit with the reality that the present moment is the only moment we have. The past is so done and the future is not determined. So the present moment is what really matters and we often take it for granted as we hold on to things past or obsess about future plans.

This experience has made me so much more aware of the present moment and that my present experiences could very well be my last. So I am cognizant of the fact that to show kindness is my biggest gift and that being alive in this moment is a gift that I do not want to ignore. We are only on this planet for a short time and what we do is not really that important. What’s more important is what we be. I want to be kindness. I want to be patience. I want to be joy. The doing is busy making and a part of this life but we mustn’t loose fact of the being. Who do you want to be? I am struck with the fact that my life is my own to do what I want with it. There is no tomorrow only today. I am free. I am grateful. As poet, Mary Oliver beautifully wrote in her poem The Summer Day, “Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”